Interview with the Husband

I’ve been feeling as though this blog has been rather boring as of late. It primarily consists of my whingings and whinings of adoption from my perspective. Which I’m sure may interest some, however I’ve felt as though it needs… something a bit different. I’ve since met some interesting people throughout this “finding myself” journey, and so I thought I’d interview some people. Whether they’re connected to me, Korea or adoption, I thought it’d be nice to add other people’s words and thoughts to this blog.

So, I thought, what better way to start than with Robert?! ^_^ A while ago, I asked him to write an article for this blog about what it’s like to be married to me, in the context of adoption, Korea etc etc. However… I think he wrote something, but I’m not so sure what happened to it…

As most know, Robert is my husband. We’ve been married for almost two years (yay!). Robert is Australian. He and I met at uni. He’s a software engineer and has a PhD. He’s very good at maths (something I marvel at) and has unofficially taken up the position as my family’s computer help man. He has always been interested in technology and computer/video games. Robert and I really don’t have a lot of traditional things in common, such as favourite types of music, movies etc. But we’ve always been very good friends, we share very similar morals, we both have a weird sense of humour and we’re both very opinionated and are able to have similar sorts of “in depth” conversations (well… at least I like to think so! This could otherwise be interpreted as Robert simply listening well to me while I whinge. LOL). In his spare time, Robert enjoys playing various sorts of games (he’s currently playing Starcraft next to me), reading lengthy fantasy novels and watching (crappy ) movies. So without further ado, here are some words from Robert, in answer to some dodgy questions I e-mailed him over the weekend!

(Before I start, however, if you’d like to be interviewed on this blog, or you know someone who might want to be, please contact me!)

1. Please give a general overview of our relationship.

We are husband and wife. We’ve been married for 21 months, and have known each other for near on 6 years. We are best friends.

2. Did me having a Korean background affect you in any way, shape or form? If so, how so? If not, why not?

Yes. Before meeting and getting to know you, I must admit that I had far less knowledge and understanding of Korea than I have now. Knowing you has lead me to learn more about Korea, as now it is a part of me and my family.

3. Did me being an adoptee affect you? HAS it BEEN affecting you? In what way/s?

Yes. It is a part of you that has surfaced over the last few years. Being in a relationship with you, and being your closest friend has meant that I have often been a sounding board for whatever has gone through your head and heart. I have learnt a lot about some of the feelings and emotions that adoptees experience growing up, and hence have found myself to have a greater appreciation for such people.

4. Did my racial background affect your decision in getting married? Why? Why not?

Not at all. I fell in love with, and decided to spend my life with you. Race contributes to each of us, but I did not make a conscious decision about marrying you with racial background in mind.

5. Does the fact that you’ll sire half Asian children have any impact on you at all? Why? Why not? What DO you think about this? Do you think it does on your family?

It certainly will impact me, as it will mean that I will have children, regardless of their racial background. Whilst our nation is often tagged as multicultural, I know that reality differs. Race already impacts my family, and will continue to impact my family as my family grows in the future. Idealistically, I hope that negative impacts are minimal. Despite being caucasian in a predominantly caucasian society, I too have experienced racism whilst growing up. Ultimately I believe that we must do the best with what we have available to us, and strive towards making a non-discriminatory future.

6. How do you think your family feels about us getting married? Because your family isn’t the most multicultural of families, do you think it was weird to them, for you to marry me? Do you think I appeared “weird” to your father and sister the first time I met them?

To my Father and Sister, I believe it was inconsequential. I believe that my Mother was happy to welcome you into her family. Everything I do is alien to my family. No. I do not think they saw you as weird.

7. Please describe what it was like being raised in a very “white” family.

I grew up. I know not what else I can say. It was the only childhood I had, so I have nothing to compare it to. Ultimately I became a person who I wanted to be. I made the decisions that make me who I am today.

8. Did you think it was weird when you met my family the first few times?

No. We had known each other for quite a while before I first met them. I had heard a fair bit about them.

9. Do you feel as though YOU have some sort of a link to Korea in any way, shape or form now that we’re married? Why? Why not?

Yes. Marrying someone with Korean heritage has permanently linked my life with Korea. Being close to someone who is Korean has enabled me to learn more about the county and its culture. Regardless of what happens in the future, Korea is a part of our family. Any children we have will have that same heritage. I don’t know whether I would or even could consider myself to be Korean (apart from enjoying playing Starcraft), but Korea is certainly a part of my life.

10. What difficulties do you feel you’ve experienced from my adoptee issues and “journey”?

I feel like I’ve been a part of what has been an emotional rollercoaster. At times it has been hard to understand how you feel, having grown up in completely different circumstances. There have also been times where I feel like I have been the target for frustration and anger, being the person who is closest to you. Despite these difficulties, I feel that being on this journey with you has brought me deeper understanding of you, and will ultimately continue to bring us closer.

11. Do you think that me being an adoptee makes our relationship unique and/or different in any way/s? Please explain.

I think that every person is unique and hence every relationship unique. Your adoption has probably added complexity to our relationship. A relationship is a large tapestry, made over time. Your adoption is a few strands and patches in the tapestry that is our relationship that makes it what it is, but does not define it. I think that we have probably had a few more interesting conversation than other couples.

12. How did you feel when I told you I was an adoptee? If I remember correctly, I told you this very early on in our friendship. Did it surprise you in any way?

I remember that I was driving when you told me. I remember being a little shocked. Truth be told, I do not think that I had known anyone else who had been adopted. I remember being uncertain just what to say, not having ever had experience with other adoptees. That being said, I don’t think that impacted my view on you (apart from perhaps giving me some admiration for some of the difficulties that you must have been through in your life).

Related posts:

1. Marriage…
2. What No One Told Me About Adoption
3. Boys, Girls, Marriage… Adoption?
4. Protected: Rejection: Not Just Reserved for Adoptees
5. Protected: The Danger of Assumption