Some Adoptee Questions Answered! =D

Well, thanks for the questions on this post!!! If you have something you’d like to ask, please do so on that post!!! ^_^ Now, to answer a few. I probably won’t get around to answering them all right now, but I’ll continue in my next post!

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Belen asked: I would like to know if you recently obtained a copy of your birth certificate or if you have always had it? If you recently obtained it from the Korean government, how did you do it? Which branch did you contact and how difficult was it?

Unfortunately, I can’t really answer this question, because I don’t think I do have my original birth certificate… and if I do, well… I’m not sure how I got it! Although it might be a nice thing to have, I don’t really feel like I need it… as far as I know, I have as much information about myself that’s known.

AKo asked: I’ve been wondering about just what you mean when you use the word “adoption.” Are you talking about all kinds of adoption, or just interracial and/or international adoption? What are your thoughts on domestic adoption specifically? Do you feel the same way about international adoption of a child of the same race (for example, black parents adopting a child from a predominantly black country, white parents adopting from a predominantly white country) as interracial adoption? On those notes, what about domestic interracial adoption?

When I say “adoption”, I’m normally just referring to adoption in general. So yeah, domestic adoption probably is included there, especially when I’m talking about identity-related topics. But my posts about cross-culturalism don’t refer to domestic adoption, as they simply wouldn’t apply to what I’m talking about. In my opinion, and based on my own experiences, I don’t really think domestic adoptees would experience as crazy identity crises as interracial adoptees do. Although they’ve lost their biological relations just as we have, they’ve been able to keep their birth cultures and countries. I think that would definitely count for something. They (hopefully) wouldn’t go through the yearning that many of us have about going back to their birth countries, ’cause they never lost them in the first place!

Domestic interracial adoption? Hmm… I think that would be different, also, because it would mean the adoptee’s being raised in a family of the same racial heritage, again, probably making certain things a bit easier. When I was little, I did actually wonder what my life would have been like, had I been adopted by a Korean family either here or in Korea. And I used to believe that it would have made things easier, simply based on the fact that to some degree, I’d still look like them. I maybe wouldn’t share specific traits, but at least people wouldn’t see me with them and ask the stupid questions they do, or make the stupid assumptions they do. Furthermore, if this had happened, then Korean culture would have probably been ingrained into me, as it is with most Korean people. If I’d been adopted here, I probably would have been sent to Korean school – I would have learnt the language as naturally as many Korean kids do, and I wouldn’t have that loss of birth culture that I feel I’ve had now. I’d probably be “Korean”. Whereas now, although I’ll always be inherently Korean, I’m not wholly Korean. …if that makes sense. Good questions, though!

Maryellen asked: How did you process the loss of your first family? I am assuming that like any loss there is sadness and anger. Can you share more about that? And how your family helped you when you were having a particularly bad time of processing that loss?

Hmm… although it may sound kinda crazy, it wasn’t until recently that I really started to realise that I’d had a loss as an adoptee. When I was growing up, I didn’t really know how to voice my feelings, nor did I have any words to coin them by, so I never really thought of it as a loss. LOL. In saying that, I actually really feel for my parents. LOL. I would have been a very difficult child to have adopted. Although it may seem weird now, I was quite an ineloquent child. And I was very quiet. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if there were periods in my life where my parents weren’t even aware I was going through some sort of grieving process, because I tried so hard to cover those feelings up and push them aside.

To their credit, however, they were always very open to talking about my adoption and Korea and such. But I was the one who chose to ignore the whole thing. I hated the topic even being brought up, because I wanted so badly to just be like everyone I saw. So to answer your question (LOL), how did I process it? I processed it by ignoring it. As a child, anyway. Which, in the long term, didn’t do anything positive. I bottled stuff up and tried to pretend like it wasn’t there at all.  And I think my parents simply did what any loving parents would do – told me that I could talk about it with them and that it was OK. But what more could they really do when they were basically talking to a brick wall? LOL.

In saying that, as probably one of the most insecure young adoptees I’ve ever been aware of, I’d say to you: bring up the term “loss”. It wasn’t really part of my adoptee vocabulary as a child, and I didn’t really realise that that was actually what I was going through. All I knew was that I had all these feelings that I didn’t like – I didn’t know what to do with them, I didn’t know what they were. All I knew was that I was ashamed of them, and so I didn’t want to embrace things as they were. I just wanted to pretend. And that’s not right. NOW, I think it’s really important that there are words for those feelings, and I really feel that it’s the parents’ responsibility to give their children words and names for those feelings, because in knowing what exactly they’re feeling, this would really help with their grieving process and living a happy life, as opposed to feeling alone and ashamed.

Mica asked: Do you like pie or cake better?

CAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!! I’m not sure if you know, but for a while, my sister and I were considering opening a bakery, ’cause we both like to bake and decorate cakes! LOL. I lurve cake. Although, that being said, my husband makes a mean meat pie!

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Thanks for the great questions, everyone! If you don’t see your question here, it’ll be answered in following posts!

Related posts:

1. More Answers to Adoptee Questions. ^_^
2. Final Questions Answered!
3. Opposites
4. Choice.
5. “But Where Are You Really From?”