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Understanding: A Challenge for all Parents, Adoptive or Not

Arg. I’m really failing at keeping this blog updated regularly. I’m developing quite the backlog of unfinished posts in WordPress, and I keep thinking of things to update with, but just don’t manage to get them finished. So to any readers that have been hopeful for new posts, I’m sorry about my absence.

One of the most commonly used phrases in my vocabulary is “I don’t understand”. And I’m certain my husband would agree! For me, this sentence/outburst applies to many things. Recently, it’s applied significantly to Sunday’s naming ceremony that I wrote about previously. Since I was a child, it’s applied greatly to all sorts of mathematics. LOL. And it often refers to my husband’s family (most recently, the fact that my husband’s own mother has chosen not to come to his upcoming 30th birthday event). Today we went to my sister’s (first) university graduation. It was a wonderful day and the ceremony was followed by a lunch on Sydney Harbour. One of the speeches during the graduation ceremony had something in it about a “search for knowledge”. It just made me think about knowledge in a wider sense – the search for knowledge outside of an academic context. Despite the fact that I have two university degrees, I don’t learn particularly well within a school/uni environment.

But I’m still always on the search for new knowledge, and I love learning new things. But I love learning new things through experience and immersion, part of the reason why going to Korea will provide me with so much more than what I can gain from reading books and even watching things on YouTube and listening to them on podcasts. Yes, modern technology is great, nowadays, but I still don’t think it’s the same as really experiencing something for yourself.

Like I said recently, my cousin had a baby about a month ago. This child has an extremely mixed background. She’s a quarter Malaysian, a lot Caucasian (don’t ask me of the percentage), with who-knows-how-much Aboriginality. It seems a very eclectic mix, and I can’t help but notice the attempts they’re going to to incorporate the child’s background (even though it confuses the rest of us) into her life. It would be very confusing for a mix like this, and as a bystander, it’s confusing to know what they’re doing, exactly, but on the other hand, I can totally understand why.

About three to four months ago, I received a heap of paperwork that directs me where to “go” in the next phase of my birth mother search. It included a heap of information about Korea, its culture, language etc. I guess it was put in there, in the assumption that I didn’t know the first thing about my “motherland”, due to having been adopted and raised in a different country. In a way, this sort of made me feel a bit bummed. Not toward any “fault” of the Department here that provides me with assistance, but just because it was a bit of a slap in the face. It was kind of like it was saying: “in being adopted, you’ve had a chunk of your identity taken away from you. Let us attempt to give a little of it back to you”. Ouch.

With a lot of people my age around me getting pregnant and having babies, I can’t help but consider important things I’d like to do if/when Robert and I have a family. Last year I decided that it’d be nice to do things for certain Korean events, such as Chuseok and Seollal (Lunar New Year). Why? I guess because I’ve come to accept that I’ll always be Korean. LOL. It may seem obvious, but it’s a pretty big thing to accept when you’ve spent such a long time trying to deny it. So why not embrace it? I feel that if we have our own family one day, I’d probably try and make an even more definite point of these events that are an integral part of Korean society and culture.

I didn’t grow up with a lot of Korean knowledge or Korean customs. It’s had to be a conscious decision, on my part, to incorporate it into my life. But I’ve come to realise the importance of having an understanding of one’s cultural/racial background: regardless of how aware of it we are, racial background makes up a huge part of who we are as individuals, and it’s really not something you can/should ignore: it’s ignoring a part of what makes you you. Growing up in Australia, I was taught and surrounded by Australian history, European history and the histories/backgrounds of my adopted families. But these histories and sets of knowledge have never really resonated with me. When Kevin Rudd gave his apology speech to the Aboriginal people of Australia a few years ago, I don’t think I could have been more indifferent, because although I live here, I just didn’t/don’t feel connected. However, when Japan apologised to Korea last year for the oppression they put the people of Korea through in World War II, I actually felt something: an affiliation and soft spot for “my people”. It was a strange feeling, really…

In being married to a Caucasian guy, I’m quite happy with the fact that any children we may have will simply be half Korean and half Caucasian. I feel that with the current knowledge and understandings we have about our backgrounds (well… Robert’s pretty indifferent when it comes to this sort of stuff), we’d have enough to pass on to them; to help them develop secure senses of self, without having to wonder about it later on in life.

But I definitely feel that it’s important to have an understanding of where you come from. Having an understanding of your background, I feel, is kind of like the roots that trees and plants have – it’s the foundation for an individual identity and sense of self. “Normal” people, I feel, don’t really need to think about it. Their backgrounds are things that are just lived day by day. In being born wholly Australian, Robert (for example) lives his background, and it’s simply a part of everyday life. Whereas this is something that we adoptees miss out on (and is probably a huge reason as to why many of us yearn to (and do) go back to our original countries), and so we have to try and make up for it in any way we can. I don’t like having to learn Korean via podcasts and text books; I don’t like seeing people of non-Korean heritage knowing and understanding the language I should be fluent in; nor do I like having to sit in (mostly) silence around my Korean friends, simply because I haven’t lived the lives of Korean people that they have.

I guess this can be a challenge for adoptive parents, because it’s probably like making something from nothing. But it’s the challenge they have chosen. And I don’t think it’s one that should be avoided, simply because they now have a child and the family they’ve wanted. As a parent, I believe it’s your job to encourage your kids to grow up healthy and sure of themselves. And I really do feel that in order to do this, you need to give kids a solid understanding of where they come from. Let them decide whether or not they like it, but at least give them the options to choose.

In other news, I could make a whole post about this, but I think it’s all pretty self-explanatory:

I really hope I don’t “have to” make a whole post on this…

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What Does it Take to BE a Member of a Nationality? Choosing to Adopt a Nationality VS Not Choosing

Robert and I have been casually watching this year’s Winter Olympics. I’m not normally into any sort of sporting events, but there’s not much on Australian TV nowadays, so we often end up having the Olympics on. Plus, my new boss is heavily into the hockey and is very Canadian, so it’s been impossible to avoid hearing about how Canada’s going in the hockey! One thing I’ve noticed, though, is that Korea’s not too bad at the Winter sports, particularly the speed skating. Almost every speed skating event I’ve seen has featured a Korean skater, and I can’t help but go for Korea. More so than Australia. Whenever someone Australian’s competing, I find myself to be very… indifferent. But when Korea’s competing, I actually get interested in the event and watch to see how they go. It’s weird, but that’s just what my reaction’s been the past couple of weeks.

When I was thinking about it today, I made a Facebook status that was something along the lines of: Is it bad that I go for Korea more than I do Australia in the Winter Olympics? One of my friends said that she goes for Korea more than she does the US (she’s American). Funny thing about that is… (as far as I know) there’s not a drop of Korean in her. Emily has been studying Korean much longer than I have. And I think she even went to Korea a month or so ago. As far as I know, one of her primary interests is Korea, and it’s almost as if she considers herself Korean. Or at least partially. A similar person is Matthew. I was chatting to him over email sometime last year, and in a similar way to Emily, it’s like he almost considers himself Korean, even though he’s American.

On the surface, I’ve always found this attitude sort of funny. Sometimes I see people like this, and I want to say to them: “why don’t you just accept who you are? Why bother putting in all the effort to be something you’re just… not?” That’s nice that you have an interest in Korea and all, but… aren’t you going a bit far? But then I thought about it… and thought: ‘well, really… what’s the difference between me and them?… Why is it weird when we see caucasian people attempting to assimilate into an Asian culture, but it’s almost just accepted the other way round?’ What does it mean to be a member of a particular nation? A country? A people?

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한국에 살고 싶어요… Living in Korea…

If you haven’t asked me a question, but you’d like to, please go and comment on my last post. ^_^

I’m not overly religious, but I do like to believe things happen for a reason. I lost my job right before Christmas last year, and although I’ve been applying non-stop for jobs these days, it’s been hard to get anything. But I gotta say… I’ve been feeling a bit deflated. Just about life. I feel like I’m missing something. And as crazy as this would be, the idea of living in Korea is extremely tempting right now, especially when I tell myself that I want to make the most of my unemployed status. I still feel like it’s something I really need: something I think I’d really regret not doing when I’m old and lying on my deathbed. There are just so many things that make that a very difficult thing to do, though… EG: what would my husband do? I could probably get a job teaching English, or editing some English-language thing over there, but what would he do? What would we do with all our stuff? We’d have to lose the great place we’re living in now and… *sigh* I dunno… despite all the difficulties, I just feel like it’s something I need to do. Even just for a year. 6 months. Would it be reasonable for me to go without Robert, so he can continue his career that’s going so well?

I’m not sure what the point of this post is. I think I just wanted to rant and let some thoughts out for a bit.

Meanwhile, I’m addicted to this song, and I’m proud ’cause I practically understand the whole thing without subtitles. =D

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